


You Never Thought Possible

by radrezi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: During Canon, F/M, Gamzee on sopor, In the Veil, Karkat eats a ham sandwich, Minor Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas, also other characters but theyre minor, im bad at writing tags, time skips like hell, video call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 02:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13988709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radrezi/pseuds/radrezi
Summary: Karkat's hungry, angry and self conscious. Jade's the only thing keeping him on his god damn handle.Jadekat in 2018? Your actions have consequences.





	You Never Thought Possible

**Author's Note:**

> major spoilers / you wont understand jack shit if you havent read all of homestuck! if youre not well past [s] Cascade, dont ruin it for yourself!

Life had never been kind to Karkat Vantas.  


Since the beginning, you had always been… different. Hell, that sounded emo as god damn fuck. But you had been, and that was the only way you could say it. And ever since you emerged from the brooding caverns tucked ruthlessly under your insufferable crab of a dad’s arm, everyone could see that too. You were the one that was bright, fucking FIRETRUCK BRIGHT red. The mutant. Your first nickname.  


Then there was that stupid game. That godfucker of a game. The game that a22hat of a pissblood troll _coded his god damn self_ and highkey FORCED everyone to play. “The voiceth told me two,” He had offered in reply to the five-page, double-sided, single spaced TIMES NEW FUCKING ROMAN essay of fuck you had shot at him the minute he sent you the game file. And he had that better-off-dead burgundy troll backing his inflamed, pulsing ego too. You didn’t mess with her. Serket had, and you learnt that messing with her did jack shit. So you played the fucking game. _God fucking damn did you play the everloving fuck out of that game_. And you won! Too bad it meant that you had lost.  


“Okay, everyone shut the fuck up,” you had rasped, silencing white noise. “This is fucking it. We played your fucking game, Sollux, are you fucking satisfied.” A22hat made a move to shake his head , he had decided he didn’t want to play the stupid thing seconds after sending everyone the file, but you guessed he didn’t mess with Burgundy either and you silenced him again. You turned towards the big white thing with the floaty bits and the lopsided roof. Glaring over your shoulder to see if anyone was thinking of relaxing a facial muscle you raised a hand to the doorknob on the unrational hive and said, “When I open this door-“  


You never got to open the door and you never got to finish your sentence. Because _a fucking big black dog with god damn wings and a GOD DAMN SWORD_ decided that the time was ripe to teleport in out of fucking NOWHERE and try and decapitate you all. Thank god for Burgundy – that’s the one time you’ll say it – she saved your asses from that HIDEOUS thing. Or maybe it would have been better if you had died. Not everyone. Just you. The mutant, the one who was different, remember?  


But whatever. You were stuck here with all these assholes on the far side of nowhere and there was nowhere for you to go. Fitting! But there were computers, there was speedy Wi-Fi and that was all you lowlife exiles needed, right? Yes, for them, but not you. Different, blah blah blah.  


Enough of the fucking flashback shit, you’re gonna get to the god damn point.  
You, Karkat Vantas, are fucking starving.  


How long have you god damn been here? The few clocks you found while exploring the Veil had all been smashed to pathetic bits, and the clocks on the computers have been stuck at 6:12PM since you had arrived. Maybe they haven’t stopped, and you're still getting through your first minute of Not Being Anything At All – no wait; your seventh sweep. Then why are you so hungry?  


After hours/minutes/seconds of angrily throwing open drawers and lockers you stumble across and over a stack of empty pie tins. You curse everything, one thing at a time, as you pick yourself up and glare a nicely rounded hole through each and every one of those stupid metal discs.  


“Naw, c’mon, _best friend_ , why’d ya all up ‘n have to go ‘n be rude like all that shit?” comes Gamzee’s slick drone from some direction. “Ain’t motherfuckin’ _nice_ t'be hearin’ that sick jazz pourin’ outta yer maw like that, _best friend_.” The voice comes from all around you and makes you shiver in your warm sweatshirt. Can he see you do that? Can that crackhead see anything at all?  


Gamzee is next to you and you _jump_. “WHAT IN GOD DAMN FUCK-“ You get a sopor glob to the mouth. “Let the bad words and the hate just _slip away_ , bye bye.” Gamzee whispers, but it’s hard for him to say because his tongue gets in the way of his words.  


“Gamzee.” You spit out the _fucking bed_ he crammed down your chute and telepathically slap him sober. “You’re creepy as all fuck, you know that?”  


“Matter’a opinion, _best friend_.” He croons, swaying on the spot like fucking seaweed.  


“Stop it with the fucking ‘best friend” horseshit!” You yell, so angry you could fry a cluckbeast fetus, if there were any fucking eggs in this shit hole - the thought reminds you that you're about to choke on famine. “Stop it with the fucking creeping around and breathing down people’s god damn collars with your bed breath!”  


Gamzee frowns, you can literally see his mouth turn into an upside down U. “Naw, man, you in a bad mood- sumthin?” He slurs.  


Your digestive sack replies just as you would. _Groaaaaaaaaaaaaan._  


"Aaaah..." Gamzee mutters absent-mindedly, staring more at the walls than at anything else. "Can't be keepin' no secrets from me, bes- bud." He grins hard and taps the side of his white paste-caked nose with a long, tapering finger. "I 'ken all up 'n see motherfuckin' everything."  
That pisses you off more than creeps you out. "Get those shit bedspread pies away from me, asshole." You snarl, but the same upside-down U frown makes you regret it. Fuck. Fuck you, he just needs some caring. A bit of affection. A shoosh, a pap- You stop yourself. You've tried quadrants with this slippery shitstain more than twice and it could never work out. So, you shake your head and back away, leaving that clown's frown upside down. Fuck you.

Your organs growl again. You make a mental note to punch your gut in for not shutting the fuck up, then wonder if someone can be in a quadrant with themselves. Quadrants, fuck them. You can't concern yourself with that useless drivel now, you're stuck in the god damn void for fuck's sake.

A locker near the end of a winding corridor of lockers reveals its treasures to you and your bruising knuckles. At least they have the fucking decency to bruise a colour that isn't firetruck red. Its one of those horrible clear plastic bags with the sealing thingamafuck at the top. You've always had trouble with those and Sollux's always sent you things in them and you've always meant to throw a brick at him for it. But you're angry and hungry and a step away from god damn _feral_ so you grip a side between your fangs and _pull_.

Should have tried that long ago. You feel a bit like Terezi as you spit out plastic and tear whats left of the bag open to take the- what is this?  
The thing falls to bits as it hits the floor. A circle of reddish pink stuff, two squares of white with brown around the edges and a wrinkly green leaf lay at your feet.  
You pick up the circle and have a whiff. The meal's been flattened and its verging on two dimensional. The circle smells good. You nibble a corner. It tastes good as well.  
Next, the squares. The one in your hand smells stale and tastes like nothing. You wish you had more circle.  
The leaf tastes like a leaf. You can't finish it.  
And you're sitting there,

...  
A/N: barbecue sauce on your titties  
...

surrounded by chewed up plastic and leaf. You feel disgusting. "Ugh, fuck me." You seeth as you haul yourself up and wind around the winding corridor, still ravenous. What you wouldn't fucking do for some god damn sliced grub.

Somewhere halfway, you start to feel sick. Fuck you for eating a fucking two dimensional circle you found in a locker. You feel terrible. In the computer room, everyone's typing and quirking away. There's no Gamzee, there never is these days, and there's no Kanaya, no Tavros, no Equius. You wonder where they are, and you regret going to find out.

When you wake up you've got chalk on your face. Sollux is snickering spit all over your face and Eridan nyehs something awful. Then they go off and hate fuck or something quadranty. Whatever. You're hungry, angry, nauseous and you need an outlet. You storm into the computer room but everyone's got a screen on their face and they don't notice you. Fine. You'll be just like them, then. Typing and quirking, Karkat Vantas, the normal troll, no nickname - no need.  


Humans. That John one, you mark him down as black as soon as you lay ocular on his shitsack face. Rose? You skip her, boring. Dave - Terezi's screen-licking gives off the vibe that they don't want to be interrupted. Your eyes hurt and you're about to hurl again when you see there's a fourth one. It's the most obnoxious bright green you never thought possible. Not doing anything to help your nausea. But you give it a shot.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] started trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: HEY. 

GG: oh come on! 

GG: another one of these trolls? 

GG: why don't you leave us alone :( 

You talk for hours/minutes/seconds. About everything. You learn through implication that its her godhead hound that threw your game session over a table and took it from behind. You're angry, but you were angry to start with. A few past and future Karkats come to fuck things up, but you don't think she minds. You hope she doesn't. She thinks you're making fun of her teeth when you send her a '(:B', but you're ecstatic because you're not so different than you thought. You're just... more like a fucking alien who loves ruining people's lives with your radioactive lusus. Ha ha! Anyway. You glance at the clock on the screen and it's still 6:12PM, but all your stupid teammates have decided your clear order of "troll the shit out of these asshole aliens" probably meant "don't". There's a pile of fucking horns in the middle of the room. You're disgusted.  
Jade says she's gotta go, imps are everywhere, she enjoyed the chat.

And you can't believe it.

 

You mark her down. Not with John. In the top right corner.

You're in love with an alien and her name is Jade Harley.

...

"There. Everything's all thhet up for your webcamming debut." Sollux lisps, his forked tongue flicking up a storm of saliva.  
"Fuck off."  
Sollux shakes tongue. "I'm thtaying."  
"Fine, whatever the fuck, just keep your pissblood ass out of the frame." You're going to see Jade for the first time and you don't need a22hat drooling around in the background.  
Sollux steps to the side and grins. You have second thoughts.

CG: WE'RE ALL SET UP ON THIS END.

You've asked Jade if she needed any technical help on her side and even gone through the trouble of throttling Sollux preemptively in exchange for said help, but she's assured you that she's got five computers strapped to her various body parts and she knows how to use them.

GG: all set! ill send you the invite now!

Incoming call from Jade Harley. Sollux oohs. You nearly bite off his stalk of a neck but you've got to answer this call. You click accept and oh god is she pretty. She's got these almond eyes that are the most beautiful bright green you never thought possible. She's got jet black curls that fall around her face like curtains next to a stage. And the performance is heart-stopping. Her two front teeth sit on her lower lip as she smiles and her dimples can't be real, they're too adorable. Not even adorabloodthirsty, they're perfect. She's got these huge round glasses that rest on her button nose and she's got the kind of cheeks you'd like to lie in when looking at the stars. Amazing. You love her and you wonder if she can see your eyeballs borderline morphing into pink hearts ready to bounce around in front of your face on springs accompanied by a comical sound effect. Her expression changes from happiness to confusion and she tilts her head to one side, her curls follow and your heart stops. Has she noticed your staring? Ypur bloodpusher eyes? She taps the screen and you hope for one instant that she's going to break through the glass so you can hold her and tell her she's perfect and-

"Karkat, where are you? My screen's all black!"

Sollux is floored, he's laughing like a god damn laughbeast and this is the happiest he's fucking been since Burgundy blew a fuse somewhere important - should you call her Indigo now, since that's what she is/was, nah, she'll always be Burgundy in your bloodpusher. Poor soul. Poor Sol, while you're at it, but maybe she'll come back. And anyway, a22hat's about to say something.

"Puthh- Puthh the fucking CAMERA BUTTON, fucker!" Sollux pants between laughing fits. You hope Jade can't hear. You click the thing that's presumably shaped like a camera and her face lights up, oh you wish you could just keep that moment like scent in a jar and just hold it forever.

"Hi!" Jade chirps suddenly, her eyes shine greener than ever.

"Hey!" You reply, casually leaning to one side so you can cover that godawful pile of horns in the background.

"I'm on LOFAF right now," Jade says, turning the camera a bit so you can see the view. It's white, there's frost and frogs, back to Jade. "Me and Dave are looking for the genesis frog!" The camera shifts again and and Dave lifts a frog at you, "Sup Kitkat." He smirks.  
"Any tips?" Jade's back again, you've forgotten exactly how you helped Kanaya sift through those sticky ass frogs and find the "right one". But you make something up, just to impress her. "It'll be far from your base," you lie, pretending to think back to your own session, but you're really thinking about her, "Skaia is a shit about the placement. You'll have to get as far into the frontier as possible, I think it might even only spawn in when you've explored everything on your planet." Jade's clipped you to her earmuff while she and Dave shoot out some greeny teleporting imps. Like the thing that shat all over your session, Sollux starts to point out before you push him down with one hand and grin stupidly at the webcam.  
"Sounds about right!" Jade says happily, shooting a tentacle imp straight through the forehead. Wow.

You've got a lot to say but there's no time. All of a sudden that asshole Strider finds the frog and they've gotta go. You sigh. That's the last time you'll see her again. Isn't it?

...

carcinoGeneticist [CG] started trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: THIS IS IT, HUH. 

GG: is what? 

CG: THE END. I'LL NEVER GET TO MEET YOU IN PERSON. 

GG: what 

GG: no silly! ill see you in three years! 

CG: ... 

GG: come on karkat, stop being so glum! just be patient :B 

CG: YOU'VE GOT SPACE POWERS, TELEPORT OVER TO US. 

GG: karkat... you know i cant 

GG: then john would be all alone! :( 

CG: OH YEAH, SORRY. 

Man, fuck a guy. Trust a sweet girl like Jade to want to stay with a fuckhead like him.

GG: its okay! 

CG: SEE YOU IN THREE YEARS THEN. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

GG: wait! 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] started trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: YEAH? 

GG: im gonna send you something! 

GG: just a mo 

GG: :B 

CG: (:B 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

You stand on the meteor with the remaining members of your group. Dave and Rose made it there, why why _why_ couldn't Jade?  
Sollux is floating in the air with Aradia. Never really thought she'd come back but hey, she did and she's alive. Take that, Serket! They signal, asking if you're ready to take off yet. No, you shake your head back. You've gotta wait for Jade.  
"What's the hold up?" Dave asks.  
"Shut the fuck up."  
"Woah, okay."

Then you get hit in the face with a ******.

You read John's letter, it is the most stupid, idiotic thing you have ever read. You hate him and you hope he dies in a pit.

Aradia's getting bored. Sollux doesn't really care. They're about to push your meteor away but you swear at them. Theres something on the other side.

karkat!!!! i know youre sad about me not being there with you and i am too :( but dont worry ill wait for you if youll wait for me!  
youre the funniest guy i know and thats saying something because john here is a pretty good prankster! thanks for talking to me that one day and im sorry for being a bit rude at first :( i hope you can forgive me!  
my powers are getting weaker now and id write more but i havent got time! smell ya later karkles!  
xoxoxo  
jade :B

You hold the note close to your chest. Aradia's about to blow a fuse, who knew Burgundy had such a personality when she was alive.

There's a picture, too. Jade in her new god tier clothes. You've never liked those things, but fuck if Jade doesn't make those pyjamas look great. And her bright firetruck red shoes make you happier than Terezi would be when she sees them. They're different, compared to the grey/black clothes. They're different and you love them and Jade Harley, that wonderful, perfect girl is the best thing since god damn sliced grub.

**Author's Note:**

> it was bad, i know, im trying to figure out a way to refund time


End file.
